Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
