I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
