that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
