Only a mothe r could love this liver
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
