Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
