The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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