We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
