True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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