Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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