Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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