remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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