that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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