I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize