Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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