Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
