i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
