having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
