My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
