Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize