she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
