I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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