I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
