batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's blow job season.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
