you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
