Say something about gay babies.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
