Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
