Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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