Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
