Sponge bath it is.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
