Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
