Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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