you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
