Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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