Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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