i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk is not a location!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
