And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
