i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
