I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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