Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
