all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
