Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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