She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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