I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
