You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
