one might say we're banned from that church
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
