Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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