4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
