a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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