a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
