Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
