Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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