I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
