did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
