hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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