can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
