No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
