you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
