Got a toothbrush?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize