So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
