You can't motorboat a personality
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
