i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
