Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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