she smelled like a LAN party
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
