I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
