you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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