I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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