I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
