white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
