I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
