I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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