I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
