dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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