we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
