She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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