Im at strip club and am horny
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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