she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
