are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
